“What d’you mean?”
“You know, women.”
“No, not really. I’m going through a dry spell.”
“How come?”
“Well—don’t laugh—I have a problem.”
“I won’t tell a soul.”
“Okay. The thing is, I’m good in bed, it’s just that I can’t seem to get any women into bed to have sex with me. I’m not good at approaching them, making small talk, getting numbers, flirting, going on dates, you know, all that stuff.”
“Wait, wait, wait. So your problem is that you’re good in bed, but not very good at dates?”
“Exactly.”
In a way, being good at sex but not at seduction is a boat a lot of freelancers and independent creatives find themselves in, me included.
Generally, I’m good in bed—meaning I’m pretty good at editing, and helping others write and produce and improve their work. But I’m not good at seduction. I don’t like cold calling people I’d like to work for or individuals I think I could be of value to. I don’t like promoting myself, being the champion of my own ability. I feel like a fraud when I try to meet people or make connections. Networking and going to conferences to increase the surface area I have exposed to serendipity seems manipulative to me. I’d much rather shut up, do the work and let it speak for itself. Or if I do want to meet someone or build a relationship, it’s because that particular person is interesting and I want to learn from them, not because I want to sell them something further down the line.
So, like the guy above, I’m in a bit of a bind because there’s no sex without seduction—unless you pay a prostitute. I believe in the work I do under the aegis of Swell & Cut, and so do the people I currently work with. But I have a hard time communicating that to potential clients and people who might be interested.
So, what to do? Let’s jump back to the conversation and see what advice our trusted friend has.
“Well—don’t laugh—I have a problem.”
“I won’t tell a soul.”
“Okay. The thing is, I’m good in bed, it’s just that I can’t seem to get any women into bed to have sex with me. I’m not good at approaching them, making small talk, getting numbers, flirting, going on dates, you know, all that stuff.”
“Wait, wait, wait. So your problem is that you’re good in bed, but not very good at dates?”
“Exactly.”
“Dude, d’you know what you need to do?”
“Maybe.”
“Go on some fucking dates. Talk to women. It doesn’t matter how good in bed you are. In fact, that’s the last thing they’re thinking about as they watch you splash bolognese sauce down your shirt in that new Italian restaurant. They want to know that you’re not an ass, that you can make them smile and make them feel good. They want to know if you’re cool and interesting and charming. But they’ll never know that unless you give them the chance to find it out. So go on some fucking dates. It might be uncomfortable at first. You might end up with a few horror stories. But eventually, you’ll get better at the whole dating game, and soon, you’ll be having so much sex that you’ll want to take a sabbatical.”
So, if you’re a freelancer or an independent contractor who, like me, hates the whole sales and marketing schtick, the solution is this: go on some fucking dates. Because it doesn’t matter how much of a bedroom wizard you are if you can’t make a gal smile over dinner.
Swell & Cut 